Love not for me

Where to begin.

I'm a freedom-loving woman that means I need a lot of time for my own and often there wasn't time for longterm relationships.
I loved being single and to live how I wanna live without regarding "feelings of a boyfriend".
But there comes a time when all that doesnt matter at all and you just wish somebody's lying next to you when you awake.
(yeah now a BUT) I'm choosy and I've got the feeling there is no matching man for me in Cologne EXCEPT one person I've fucking fallen in love with.
Me fallen in love is like a miracle. Wait a minute, there is beautiful music coming from our neighbor, hope everything is ok because she told me that she may split with her husband, I'm a bit scared of it cause thery're such a great family!!
Well back to me.
So I've fallen in love with that hot surfer dude who is 11 years older than me. He has a great personality and a hot look and his parents live 2 houses next to ours, so I sometimes see him but the whole January I'vent seen him which makes me feel down too.
He lives a few km away in another area. Well when we see each other, we talk and make fun BUT when I see him, I'm a different person because I'm so shy then.
But he would be perfect and I have the feeling that we gonna make it. We know each other since 21 years and I often thought that he is hot, great but I have never thought of yeah he would be THAT someone for a relationship. But with 21 I realize that he's the perfect man!! That drives me crazy.

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